Sexuality and Disability

By Chris Van Ingen
Sex is something that we all see on T.V, here on the radio and do in the privacy of our own home but when it comes to talking about it we all get embarrassed. Sex is something that every one wants to do whether we are straight, gay or in between.

Now I'm going to let you in on a little secret, the scoop of the century disabled people like sex too. In my life I have been through fifteen operations and indescribable pain every day, but the most difficult thing for me to cope with was the sexual frustration and not been able to do anything about it.

As a young man just trying to figure out my sexuality I was confronted with all female carers and let me tell you, while I have never done anything inappropriate there were times the thoughts I was having could have got me slapped in the face.

Now you may ask why I didn’t get male carers if I felt so uncomfortable. The answer is there are not many male carers around and in my opinion the female ones are better.

A lot of people assume that because you are incapable of walking, dressing yourself and even talking, that you don’t have even the thought of sex in your head. This is not the case. Once there was a quote in a book that I had read where a disabled guy said “how can I not think about sex when I spend every day at tits and ass level”

I’m not saying any of this to embarrass anyone or so you feel sorry for me.

Do I have the answers? No, We live in the real world. Now I’m one of the lucky ones. I have a beautiful fiancée but before that what were my options? A lot of disabled people go and see sex workers but that all depends on someone being comfortable enough to take you there. There are a lot of people that say they are comfortable with people with disabled and that they treat them like every one else but when the topic of sex comes up they get a disgusted look on there face. Ask yourself this question - would anyone you know feel comfortable taking someone to go have sex at an establishment?

I understand it’s very confronting - just think what it is like having someone take them to a strange place, strip them naked and then the person would leave the room knowing that they are going to have sex.
I remember every time I went out clubbing I used to go with the intention of ‘picking up’, then one day I realised what the hell would I do if I did? If I went back to her place I don’t have a hoist and unless they are a big brut of a woman, which isn’t my type, they certainly wouldn’t be able to lift me into their bed - so you can see my predicament.

I’m lucky I have the greatest family in the world and that is why the first time I was ever with a woman my dad literally lifted me into her bed and then came back in the morning and put me back into my wheel chair, talk about an awkward situation. It’s only been recently that I realised it would have been difficult for my dad as well as the woman involved.

When I was a teenager it was my biggest fear that when I had the chance to actually be involved with someone my body would let me down and I wouldn’t be able to do anything. I am now more experienced and some of my fears have come true - because of my physical restrictions there are some things I would like to do but cannot, for example I am envious of those people who decide to do it right there on the spot. I have to make sure that there is a hoist available and any other equipment that is needed to get me out of my wheel chair. I have however learnt to adapt an unfortunate but necessary evil.

I’m only one man and these are my experiences but I could pretty much guarantee you that most disabled men and women have had similar experiences and feelings.

I am one of the lucky ones, I can communicate quite clearly which allows me to express my sexual frustrations, needs and desires. There are many disabled people that cannot, let me tell you they would be in a living hell.

Let’s get down to business whether it’s right or wrong a person’s sexuality helps define who they are.

It is my experience that disabled people don’t really have a sexual identity. How many of you have seen a movie with a disabled person having sex? I can think of one offhand, a brilliant movie called “dance me to my song “.

For every body identity is a fragile thing. Most people get to discover their identity on their own by choosing the clothing they want to wear, whether you’re shaven or unshaven, whether your hair is long or short, these are all choices you get to make every day. Some disabled people don’t get to make those choices. What outfit do you have in your cupboard at home that you know as soon as you put it on you feel sexy?, for me it’s my leather jacket, I know that when I put that jacket on no woman can resist me. It is our responsibility as people with disabilities to make people aware of our sexual needs.

Let’s think about this – what is the community’s attitude towards sex in general? There are many things that contribute to community values about sex in Australia. I personally believe that we have very conservative views about sex and it impacts on a person with a disability because information about help available for people with disabilities isn’t circulated in the community and therefore people with disabilities do not know where to turn to with their sexual confusion.

It is community attitudes that can lead to a person with a disability having behavioural changes. Sexual frustration can often lead to anger because the person has no way of expressing what they are feeling. I have heard a story of a young man in permanent care that was aggressive towards the carers but once he found some sexual relief his whole demeanour changed. Unfortunately the relief he found was soon put a stop to because the people in charge considerate it not “appropriate”.

Community attitudes have often surprised me. I have always been upfront about my desire to have sex and even one day to have a family and some of the questions I’ve been asked by complete strangers’ border on obscenity. In my life time I have been asked! Yeh but have you got a penis? Can you get an erection? And some women have even asked me if I can have sex? To which I used to reply “I’m willing to find out if you are.”



Every body in the world has different sexual beliefs and things that they consider to be morally and sexually appropriate. Each person’s opinion is as valid as the next.

There are many care organizations that have rules prohibiting there carers from assisting people with disabilities with there sexual needs.

There is a defiant need or these rules to be in place but there has to be some strategy put in place to help people deal with their needs.

At very least care organizations should be able to recommend a qualified sex therapist to the person and know a sex therapist isn’t another way of saying a prostitute. There are qualified people with university degrees that can help people with disabilities to resolve there sexual frustrations.

So in this day and age people with disabilities no longer have to suffer in silence with their sexual frustrations.

Blind To The Truth

By Chris Van Ingen
With resent events this is a good time to open our eyes and look at a forgotten truth1 in 5 people will be diagnosed with a mental illness at some stage in their lifetime.
Mr. Premier you spend millions on a sporting events and I congratulate on their success but Mr Premier but how many time do I have to read in the paper about a young mother who tried to kill herself and her three children before you take action?
HHHHHHHHere’s the kicker so often there are stories of people that tried to get help for years but thanks to your cost cutting Mr premier they were not able to get help in time.
So on behalf of everyone I ask you Mr Premier what’s more important the health of your people or the adulation of a few sports fanatics?
It is important for us all to remember that mental health issues are just legitimate as any other medical condition.
It is easy for people to believe I have Cerebralpalsy because they can see my wheelchair, mental illness is not as obvious but in many cases it can be more debilitating.
Some readers may not believe this statement, however, I have spent my life around mental illness and disability including a long family history, so the effect it has on the individual and the people closest to them.
Mental illness is not something people can just snap out of and it’s not something that only affects the weak there are many high profile people living with mental health problems.
So after reading this please keep in mind illness doesn’t just affect the body it also affects the mind.
Remember “Keep the wheels of life turning in your direction.”